from pacific coast to no coast

My flight from ITH to LGA was cancelled. In retrospect I would be more surprise if it weren’t. I spent all of Saturday obsessing over whether I would be able to get out of Ithaca. I could take a 2pm Greyhound arriving in Chicago at 6am the following day for $117. I could take a $50 Shortline Coach bus to NYC. I could take $100 Amtrak from Syracuse. But, when I woke up at 8am to check my flight. It was on time, so I went back to sleep.

At 10am, my friend’s roommate woke me.

Roommate: When is your flight?

Me: 1:30.

Roommate: It’s 11.

Me: No, it’s not. It’s 10.

Roommate: No, it’s a 11. Day light savings.

Shit. I packed in a fury, checked my flight (on time), kissed my friend goodbye, and stole someone’s cab.

I checked in. The flight was delayed to 3:05.

Me: Am I going to make my 5pm connection in LGA?

US Airways Representative: If it doesn’t get delayed anymore.

I knew I should have taken that 9:45 bus to NYC.

I sat in the airport for four hours. Just as I went through security, they announced the 1:30pm now departing at 3:05 with service to New York-LaGuardia Airport had been cancelled. It was a sprint race to the two service agents. I was on the phone waiting for customer service while waiting in line. Customer service hotline won. She checked every airport: Syracuse, Ithaca, Rochester, perhaps even Buffalo, no one was flying out or she could not guarantee me a seat. She took twenty minutes in between question to give me responses. It was really slow going.

Me: Can you get me on the earliest flight out of LaGuardia to Chicago tomorrow morning?

US Airways Representative: Ma’m, I have check every airport. You can’t just pick and choose what airport you want to fly out of. I have to check the restriction of your ticket.

Me: Restrictions of my ticket? You stranded me in Ithaca. I have classes tomorrow. I have to be in Chicago by noon at the latest on Monday. I have a reservation on a flight from LaGuardia to Chicago at 5pm today, which I will not make because you stranded me in Ithaca. You will get me on a flight out of LaGuardia tomorrow morning.

Another 20 minutes pause and I was booked on a 10am flight out of LGA.

Me: What is the flight number? And do I check in with United or US Airways?

Ten minute pause.

US Airways Representative: Your flight number is 6753 and you check in with United.

Taxi back to Cornell. Taxi to the Greyhound bus station. 4:45pm Shortline Coach Bus to Port Authority in NYC. The good news was that I got a college student discount on the ticket. The bus stopped in Bingington, NY and Ridgewood, NJ before it reached NYC. I could only read until about 6:30 when the sun went down because neither my overhead light, nor the overhead light of the seat next to me worked. It was rather upsetting, but I slept instead.

We arrive at Port Authority a half an hour early. I took at taxi to Barnard to spend the night my a friend who goes there. The taxi first tried to drop me off at 16^th and Broadway rather than 116^th and Broadway. He did not deduct from the fair for his mistake, but at this point I no longer cared. It was all about getting home.

I spent the night on her linoleum floor, and by night I mean the hour and a half between two when I sent to sleep and three-thirty when I woke up. I hailed a cab with surprising speed and made it to LaGuardia by 4:30am. Honestly, I was surprise the airport was even open yet.

I checked in at the automated kiosk because the check-in line was absolutely horrendous. It reminded me of the last time I flew out of LAX. There were options as to what flight I was on. None of them where to Chicago. Do you need assistance? Yes, yes I do.

Me: Hi, um, I am booked on the 10am flight to O’Hare, but they reservation is not here.

United Airlines Representative: Can I get your last name?

Me: Dean. D-E-A-N.

United Airlines Representative: Okay, and your flight number?

Me: 6753.

United Airlines Representative: Okay, so you are going to Denver.

Me: No. I am going to Chicago. I am on the 10am flight to O’Hare. I made the reservation yesterday from Ithaca Airport. I took a bus down last night to make this flight.

United Airlines Representative: Where are you now?

Me: LaGuardia. Shouldn’t they know these things?

United Airlines Representative: Well, that is the wrong flight number.

Me: It is the flight number they told me when I made the reservation.

United Airlines Representative: What airline are you flying?

Me: I booked my reservation with US Airways, but they told me to check in with United.

United Airlines Representative: Can you please confirm your name?

Me: Do you want me to tell you my first name?

United Airlines Representative: Please confirm your name?

Me: Um, H-A-N-N-A-H D-E-A-N.

United Airlines Representative: Okay, please stay on the line while I confirm your reservation. Okay, do you know your confirmation number?

Me: No.

He gave me the confirmation number and I was able to check-in. I got stand-by on the 6am flight and a confirmed seat on the 7am flight.

Security check was not even open when I got there. There were many stressed businessmen and women glaring at the TSA officers, who were there, but not letting anyone through.

I sat by the gate as they called other standby passengers. There was a lull and they started to boarding. Finally, with all the grace of god: Passenger Dean. Passenger Dean, please come to the podium.

Flight Attendant: You have a middle seat it that okay?

Is that okay? That is beautiful. I am going home. Unfortunately, it was not so beautiful. The men, who sat on either side of me, were far too large for their seats. Worse of all, the man, who sat to my right, had a stench about him that was so strong that I welcomed the Eastern European woman in the row behind, who apparently used perfume as lotion, and the migraine that came with her scent.

When we landed I called American Taxi for a ride home and, just as I was about to enter in the terminal number, I remember that I was flying United and I would have to go through that crazy tunnel before getting to the street. That settled it. I would just go for the taxi stand.

I forgot that arriving at 7:30 in the morning would mean that we would be caught in Chicago traffic. I was beginning to regret using the taxi stand. I made it back to my dorm at 8:30 and passed out in my bed. And despite all my desperate attempts to get back to make my 11am class, I did not go to it.

In other news, I will not set foot in an airport until to return to LA in June. You are safe to travel until then.

As to the man who told me to stop my whining and grow up, I have this to say to you: your assessment that I am spoil is in all honestly entirely correct. However, millions of people depend on air travel each day and for it to run worse than the LA bus system is nothing short of disappointing and somewhat impressive.